Category Archives: People

Listen

21 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by in Communications & Technology, Leadership, People

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What would be different this week if everyone committed to listening slightly more deliberately and consciously to those around us?  Thought leaders from varied fields and backgrounds speak about listening.  “People don’t listen well; when people talk, listen completely.  Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemmingway.

Our short term memory’s ability to gather and store words is inadequate to capture the vocal ability to share words and the mind’s ability to generate thought.  Add to this imbalance the increasing volume of mental noise and distractions – texts, calls, meetings, websites, video, reading, etc. It’s no wonder we miss so much of what our employees, colleagues, partners and even our clients are trying to communicate.  “The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.” Alfred Brendel.

What would be different if we each made a conscious decision to listen more?  How much time would pass in the day before you realize that you already forgot this commitment, and you have quickly fallen back into the habit so many of us have – we move from listening to talking, mentally drifting off to another thought, or reach for the alluring draw of our device.

Make the commitment to listen and then monitor yourself; notice what it feels like to actually listen to the person in front of you.  How hard or easy is it to focus on them? When you’re engaging with someone, notice:

How long does it take for you to begin feeling that inner urge to speak?  To say something, anything?  Feel that welling up of words in your throat.  Notice your inner dialogue, planning what you’re going to say in response.  Are you listening to them or your own thoughts?

Then ask yourself “why do I need to say this?”  Really consider and reflect on this question.  What will you gain by giving in to the urge to say something, interject, interrupt, correct? What is truly driving this urge?  “Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.”  Dean Jackson.

What would it mean to your employee, client, partner or child to feel you have heard them, listened completely and authentically without prejudgment, or a desire or intention to respond? Sit back, relax and listen, really hear the words, how they are spoken; notice tone, emotions and expressions.Ask yourself, what is this person really telling me and wanting me to know, and why?  As Covey has famously said, “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood”.

If you find you are challenged to really listen and focus, then look deeper. Is this a bad habit, or something more? What are you thinking?

  • I have something more pressing or important than this person’s needs.
  • I know more than this person so I need to say something to make sure they understand that.
  • I should be talking; I’m not sure why I just feel compelled to talk.
  • What if I miss out on something that just happened; I should check my email.
  • I’m too busy to sit here and just listen to this.

What would be different if we each listened more, as Covey gave us that timeless quote: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  Listening takes courage.  It takes courage to let go of the fact that you don’t have to appear to be the smartest or most interesting or most important person.  “People talk not to communicate but to avoid communication.”  Osho.

If you feel challenged to really listen, try to honestly self-reflect. Do any of these apply to you?

  • Another person may know something I don’t or know more than I do.
  • Acknowledge that you talk sometimes because you need validation from others.
  • Admit you may have the need to appear smart, intelligent and important.
  • Consider that you talk from a place of unhealthy competition.
  • You reach for your device to feed a need for constant distraction.
  • Or just admit it’s a really bad habit that you need to work on.

Then, let’s each decide to find the courage to change.  What would be different?

 

Mobile Service

28 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in Creativity, Leadership, Learning, People, Performance

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Recently I attended a conference through the Society for Human Resource Management. During one of the break out sessions, someone’s cell phone went off. The facilitator, Chris Maslin of The Biltmore Company, paused mid sentence, and immediately began dancing to the dance-beat ringer tone. When the ringer stopped, Chris picked up with his comments and continued the session, smiling, upbeat and seemingly happy to have those few seconds of positive energy.

A few years ago, as training professionals preparing for a Sales University, our team would communicate “rules of engagement” as part of the session opening which included appropriate cell phone usage. To lighten the tone of what was considered a necessary but potentially patronizing rule, we used movie clips as a fun way to make the point. We played a clip from “Two Week’s Notice” where Sandra Bullock’s cell phone goes off during the wedding where she was maid of honor, ending it when she says “sorry, gotta take this…” and runs down the aisle to take the call. The clip got a chuckle from the audience, but inevitably, someone’s cell would ring during the session and the facilitator would remind the attendees to turn their phones off.

A couple of years go, I was participating in a workshop with facilitator Philippa Bond of INFORM Training. Ever the idea leader and one to test the edge, yet also needing to manage the inevitable cell issue, Pip announced during her introduction that she was going to be in a bike ride to raise money for an important non-profit cause. To support her fundraising efforts, when someone’s cell rang during the session, she would be accepting that person’s donation to her cause. As always, someone’s cell rang, and the fund-raising began. It evolved into a fun and positive way to accept that the cell phones would go off — and even led to donations and awareness of her non-profit issue.

We all know that mobile technology provides constant communication access and is part of our personal and professional lives, even representing an evolution of how we communicate. Opinions vary about how mobile technology should be used, especially during workshops, meetings or other environments where we need to listen, discuss, interact, learn and make decisions. Let’s consider what is involved when someone is able to truly focus. Consider a parent who is in an important meeting and worrying if his sick child is worse. He can quickly glance at his device and get affirmation that his child is feeling better – enabling him to relax and focus. Or the executive who wants to be in the session, but is waiting on a key piece of information to make a crucial strategic decision. Knowing she will receive a real time alert allows her to be there. The sales rep can focus more, having received confirmation that his proposal submission is complete. A service manager can delegate a client issue from her device versus having to step out and make calls. Further, the ability to google and clarify a question real time can enable someone to contribute more to the discussion, not less. And, texting a colleague across the room to express excitement about the trending data just shared, doesn’t take away from the experience. The emotional connection adds to the quality of the information and makes the outcome of the communication better.

Mobile technology is a part of our lives and supports learning, sharing and next level thinking. What if we assume positive intention when someone is on a device during a meeting, accept that mobile devices are a resource and tool that enables more, not less. And, realize when we hear those few seconds of dance beat music, we could just dance.

Authentic Presence

30 Friday May 2014

Posted by in Creativity, Leadership, People, Performance

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A couple of years ago I heard Maya Angelou speak at Mars Hill College in western NC. I was never clear why she was speaking at this small college tucked away in the mountains, but I felt thrilled to be near her. I discovered Ms. Angelou’s writing years earlier, and later listened to “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” on audio. That’s when I realized the impact of her work wasn’t only her gift of writing, but hearing her poetic voice deliver the message.

When Ms. Angelou entered the stage at Mars Hill and walked slowly to the podium, it was clear she was aging and somewhat frail. Before she spoke, she first looked into the audience, taking us in fully. She began speaking with her strong and powerful voice – as clear, deliberate and rhythmic as I remember her being on that first audio I listened to decades ago. During her talk she would smoothly glide between her own present state comments into a poem delivered through another’s voice and back, in and out of characters that were both herself and others. Full of meaning and prompting self-reflection from the audience, being there in her presence was nothing less than amazing.

I’ve frequently reflected on that experience and have wondered what made her so powerful – her words, the voice, certainly the message. Yet there was more to the experience she created, and it certainly was not a “performance”. She had an authentic presence about her, which prompts the question, where does that kind of authenticity come from? Is it a gift she was born with supported by education and work, or even a result of surviving life challenges, stemming from the pain and joy of experiences she uniquely had? Regardless, she certainly had an authentic presence, and through her words and influence was able to counsel us on what is truly important.

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Like many, I’m sad to hear of her passing. I know, though, that the way she made so many people feel will live on forever.